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The Other Side of Fear - The Builder's Wife

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The Other Side of Fear

The Other Side of Fear

With the new year, has come many challenges for us. Most of these challenges we have put in place to challenge ourselves, some have come to the surface without intention, but either way they have been healthy. Feeling fear is nothing new for me, but up till this point, fear has ruled the way I deal with things, now I am finding ways of sitting with fear and moving through it.

While on holidays over Christmas, The Builder decided he wanted to try something new, something we had not done before, something that would challenge us. We agreed on, a high ropes course at The Currumbin Sanctuary. This may seem unremarkable to most, but I am terrified of heights. I can’t even climb a ladder, in fact standing on a chair can make me dizzy.


What followed was one of the most amazing days we have spent together. Yes, it was super challenging, but the feeling of euphoria at the end was truly empowering. The day was not without struggle, and tears (from me, copious tears!) but the strength needed to complete the course sat with me for days after. I felt strong, I felt amazing, I felt I could attempt any challenge given to me. These feelings are often foreign in our day to day lives, but necessary ones to remind us that we can do it!


As I have mentioned, my daughter is moving to the UK in 27 more days. To do this, she must take 2 overseas flights on her own, something she has never done before. She will arrive at the world’s biggest airport and have to navigate her way to her next gate, pushing her own boundaries all the way. We felt it necessary to show her, just how strong she is and the high ropes course had showed us, that anything is possible, now it was time to show the kids the same.


When we took the kids on holiday the week after, we also included a trip to the high ropes course, and true to form, all tackled it with the strength we knew they had. Only myself and my step daughter, didn’t complete the black course, our 12, 14, & 15 year old boys took it on with gutso, one of them even completing it twice. My daughter showed great courage to acknowledge her fear and push through it anyway, and The Builder had a ball swinging from tree to tree chasing the kids along the way.


The result of this fabulous family adventure, was the opportunity as parents to be involved in the children’s success. In watching them grow in confidence and learn along the way. One of my favourite parts as a Mum, was watching them encourage others, and to help out where they could. I couldn’t be prouder of our kids, but most importantly they couldn’t be prouder of themselves.

This year for me, is about learning to understand my fears, but not let them control me, it is something I am keen to instil in our children now, before they become to accustomed to allowing fear to win. We will be creating many other opportunities like this one for our kids this year to push them and help them expand.

How have you felt the fear recently?  How do you defeat fear? Any tips for what adventure to try next?

Nicole xxx

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  1. This looks like a lot of fun. For five years now, I’ve been attempting one new thing each week. Some weeks are more adventurous than others and lately I’ve been living more in my comfort zone with my challenge than out of it. Perhaps it’s time for something adventurous next.

    1. That’s awesome Raycheal, you must have really tried some different things in that time. I think we all do well when we push out of our comfort zones a little. xx

  2. That is a brilliant idea to do with your kids and a great way to show your daughter how awesome she is. Your daughter will be absolutely fine on her solo trips. Travelling solo when you’re young is such a life-defining experience. Good on you for fighting your fears. I totally get where you’re coming from as I have a fear of heights too. I have been pushing the boundaries later climbing ladders to help Dave build a patio, plus I’ve been attempting to climb our new climbing wall. I chicken out part way to the top, but I’ll get there … I think … maybe … 🙂

    1. Thank you for the kind reassuring words Renee. xx I must say I am surprised to learn you do not like heights either. With girls as adventurous as yours, you must have to confront that fear on a regular basis. I was thinking of your girls all the way along, on my first try, I think they would love it! Good luck for making it up your wall. xx

  3. Localish to our kid’s school is a tree adventure park within a recreation camp and this is the location of the yr5 and yr7 school camps, so they have attempted the big swing and tree ropes a few times. They certainly feel very proud after completing these challenges. I think going as a family was a lovely idea Nicole. I understand your fear as my husband cannot even stand on a ladder due to his fear of heights.

    1. Fear can certainly be all consuming, I was really lucky to do the course the first time just with The Builder, this gave me the confidence to do it with the kids. Certainly one of the toughest things I have done xx

  4. I felt a bit queasy looking at those pictures but also SO proud! You did it! You and the builder are such awesome role models. I too am trying to face my fears – as long as they don’t involve heights! As for your girl, I’m sure it’s a case of like mother, like daughter and she’ll relish her new challenges and take it all in her stride. Reminds me of that quote “a comfort zone is a great place, but nothing ever grows there.”

    1. Oh thank you Sammie, so kind of you. I love that quote, it’s perfect! xx

  5. Well done for conquering your fear of heights and completing this challenge!

    1. Thank you Ingrid!

  6. I remember doing a high ropes course at school and feeling a bit queasy. My fear of heights got worse as I got older. I never enjoyed roof work. At least I could climb a ladder and was confident on a scaffold because a lot of our work was done on these platforms. I bet you felt super proud once you did it and I think when you do face something a little scary it gives you confidence to face something new. And that… well i’m not sure what you could do? Surfing? Jet Skiing? Abseiling? Rock Climbing? Or maybe push yourself creatively like I did on Friday night and do a sip and paint workshop? x

    1. A long time ago, I would happily have jumped out of a plane, but something happened when I had kids, and now fear seems to be around every corner. That said, I’d love to learn how to surf!

  7. That is so awesome. Well done to all of you. When we were in Spain last Easter with all of hubby’s family the siblings and their families all went to a course like that. I was the most terrified of all of us but made it through (sometimes needing a lot of encouragement and step by step support). Everyone else went around twice but second time I stayed on the ground with my sister in law who is afraid of heights. We want to o do the Currumbin course – think it will be perfect for my daughter’s 14th birthday in July school holidays.

    1. I was happy to sit out of the 2 extra courses, I was proud of what i had achieved, and happy to let the others go on and do more. I think you will love Currumbin Deb!

  8. It’s always so much fun defeating fear with your kids and sharing the elation at the end of achieving something you wouldn’t have done without them.

    1. It really was! xx

  9. Well-done YOU! I like the way this adventure engaged all of the family. That can be tricky in itself with such a range of ages.
    Fear is meant to be in our lives to keep us safe. It is not meant to be keeping us from living our lives.
    Many of us struggle from day to day for various reasons that are fear-based.
    Right now I am one. My world is shrinking because IBS-based reasons are keeping me from leading the life I want and should be leading. I am aware of it and why so I am slowly (far too slowly for this impatient me) learning more about exposing myself to taking greater risks. It’s a work in progress and I had better days than others. Today is not so good. I will keep going ….it is via my equivalent of a high ropes course. Love to you Nicole! Denyse #teamIBOT

    1. An IBS diagnosis sure can be challenging to live with Denyse, so sorry. Is this a recent find for you? I learned on the course, that life is all about just one foot in front of the other, no matter the challenge. xx

  10. I constantly live with fear and anxiety. It is completely and utterly terrifying at times. My little miss can be the same.
    But we tell ourselves we are brave and can do anything we set our minds to.

    1. You really can Sam! Sometime takes a lot more courage than others though. xx

  11. I suspect I’m unlikely to confront my physical fears (sharks, snakes) but do need to confront other fears – of pitching pieces to paid writing sources and the like. THAT is something I need to get past!

  12. This is so amazing Nicole, good on you!

  13. Oh gosh you’re a braver woman than I. I hated doing the high ropes course when I was at school.
    I’m doing work with my psychologist at the moment though about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. A lot of it is watching my self talk and making sure I’m not falling into the catastrophic thinking style.

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