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A Morning With Rosie Batty

A Morning With Rosie Batty

Last week I attended my first Business Chicks breakfast. Business chicks is an opportunity for likeminded women to gather together as a community for networking and a little fun. This particular breakfast was scheduled to have Rosie Batty as the guest speaker. I have been thinking of attending a business chicks event for a long time and knew this was the one not to miss. I wanted to hear for myself, how someone can be so strong. Having a son the same age as Luke, I felt I needed to understand it was possible to be strong if something dreadful happened, and I wanted to know how I can help. I certainly found the answers to my questions, but I also found so much more.

 

I have actually lived through a few abusive relationships myself. I spent many years being grateful for the opportunity to get out of a physically abusive one so quickly, I had only been caught in his web for 12 months before he disappeared (just never came home one day, to be found shacked up with another girl), so I had always felt I had a reasonable idea of why people cannot just walk away from these issues. Hearing Rosie Batty speak even challenged my ideas on these issues though.

“Violence is always a choice” -Rosie Batty

The first one and the biggest one of the day for me was an answer to a question I hear all too often, “Why don’t they just leave”? There are many reasons one might not leave a perpetrator, fear of the violence escalating, financial inability, no support, nowhere to go are just a few of them. But then Rosie asked one simple question and it totally challenged even the way I thought, “Why do we make the victim leave the situation, why don’t we make the perpetrator leave instead”?

This is a great time to point out that physical abuse is only one form of abuse, mental, financial, sexual, and elder abuse are a few more. In any and all of these situations, why must the victim be the one to leave the stability of a home. Why must the victim be the one to face even more instability, when life is already so terrifyingly unstable.

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Abuse is all about control, when people finally have an opportunity to take some control back, and do something brave like seek help, or put a protection order in place, very often that perpetrator will ramp up their abuse in an attempt to further control the person or the situation.

It is time as a community that we have conversations around what we see, support others and never to stand in judgement. It is impossible to understand what someone is going through when looking through the safe glasses of sideline judgement.

Most importantly I came away with some amazing tools that Rosie shared with us, and I wanted to share these with you. 1800 Respect is a website and phone number that provides counseling services and support for those suffering from abuse and for friends and family who are concerned about abuse in the relationship of someone close. Our Watch is a fantastic resource for changing the attitude towards violence against women and their children, this website also has a link for a space for teens called The Line. A brilliant website helping to navigate consent, presented in a teen friendly way. Finally although not at all limited to these few, I Matter, an awesome app aimed at helping young women recognise the signs of abusive behaviour.

“Violence in all its forms is abhorrent” – Rosie Batty

A very different post from me, but one in which was a timely and important reminder for myself that I felt necessary to share.

Nicole xxx

Linking up with Essentially Jess For #IBOT

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34 Comments

  1. Glad you got out relatively quickly. I think the cutting of funds to the shelters and services has been disgraceful. I think it’s appauling that the gov runs an ad campaign (thus acknowledging it’s a problem) but doesn’t provide the funds for a solution to the victims. Shame.

    1. I was very lucky, thank you. I totally agree with you about the cutting of funding, I just don’t understand!!

  2. I’ve met Rosie too and I was very inspired by her. Not only her story but she keeps fighting and trying to get domestic violence at the forefront of conversations so we can stop this .

    1. It’s such a tough fight! I was surprised just how difficult it continues to be to get this stuff spoken about and the issue as a whole addressed.

  3. It sounds like it was an educational and inspirational morning, Nicole. Thanks for sharing the 1800 number and for helping to raise awareness. #teamIBOT

    1. Thank you Renee, it was amazing! I was really lucky to learn so much and to be able to share. xx

  4. I am so pleased you got out when you did. I think Rosie’s point about the perpetrator leaving is spot on – I so admire Rosie, for starting the conversation about domestic violence and more importantly, keeping it going. Those tools are the tops. Even though I’m not businessy in the slightest, I would love to go to a Business Chicks lunch one day – they have the best speakers!

    1. Thank you Sammie. It’s not a perspective I had thought of before, why on earth should a victim have to go to such lengths to have to get out of something so horrible! I also was surprised to hear just how many cases of domestic violence there still are each and every day. You would totally love the Business Chicks events!!

  5. Wow Nicole – I am so in awe of Rosie Battie. She has a strength that I do not think I could find within myself. What an honour to meet her. She is an incredibly inspiring woman. I am so glad that you got out of that abusive relationship cos look at the wonderful one you are in now! Thank you for sharing this experience and information with us. How fabulous to have met Rosie! 🙂 x

    1. Thank you Min. I was very lucky, and give thanks everyday for where I am now. Rosie was super! I cannot explain how much strength she has, what a wonderful and engaging speaker. I was blessed to be there xx

  6. I didn’t realise it was your first Business Chicks event! So lovely to share it with you and you’ve given a great wrap up of Rosie’s message – it was a very moving morning xx

    1. It was great to see you my lovely friend. Yes my first one, I have found them difficult to get to. Now that the builder is in the office, we are able to make more of these work. It was an incredible morning wasn’t it. xx

  7. Don’t worry if it’s not your usual; it’s great to see your passion here and use of your platform to spread such an important message. Rosie Batty is a phenomenal woman in my book. My heart breaks for her but the strength and resolution she has shown is amazing.

    1. Thank you for the reassurance, it was a tough post to put up, worried about the possibility of a backlash. I feel so very sad that anyone should have to be so strong, though very glad that there are those who can show us the way. xx

  8. What an honour and a privelege to see Rosie Batty. She is such an extraordinary woman, with so much to give in the face of her own unimaginable loss. Thanks for sharing.

    1. I felt very privileged to see her, and was so overwhelmed when I got to meet her. I couldn’t get my words out. 🙂

  9. I’m so glad you got out of your relationship when you did but sorry that you had to endure any of it. Rosie Batty is amazing and I think her point about why should the victims leave is so spot on. xx

    1. Thanks Vicki. Rosie was such a great speaker, so casual but really got you thinking. An amazing strength that I cannot imagine. xx

  10. Rosie Batty is just incredible. Such strength and compassion for others, and her willingness to share her experiences and help others amazing.

    1. Rosie was amazing! Such a fantastic speaker as well. x

  11. Rosie B atty is such an amazing woman!

    How true what she said about why don’t we make the perpetrator leave instead of the victim! What a positive step forward that would be!

    1. I agree, it would be a truly positive step. I feel it’s still a long way off though. Rosie is amazing!

  12. Great summary Nicole. I saw her at the Sydney business chicks brekkie last week too and have not stopped thinking about everything she said. She spoke a bit about meaning and purpose and how that’s what gets her out of bed every day. Such a deserving Australian of the year. Lets hope with her championing this cause and the continued community support, that that family violence is a thing of the past one day soon. Did you join her never alone campaign? Here’s the link. http://www.neveralone.com.au
    Xx

    1. Amazing isn’t she! I did join her campaign, thank you for the reminder. xx

  13. What Rosie has done, and the talks she gives, just astound me with her strength. I’m very far from an expert on this, but the way abusers work and how our criminal justice system works scares me; the intersections of hard words on paper and less focus on ‘grey’ areas of interpretation …well humans aren’t black and white. We are all the areas of grey in how we communicate. The justice system ignoring humanity’s many forms of communication in favour of cold hard words lets people down.

    1. The justice system is a farce. It simply is not working. Time for a long overdue review, though I fear that could be a great big waste of money.

  14. I’ve read her book and gosh it was heartbreaking, she was let down so terribly by the system. I can’t imagine.
    So glad you got out in time, I’m sure it was hard but look at you now, and gosh all that you have and are achieving, what a great role model you are xxx

    1. Oh thank you Em, you’ve made me blush. Rosie is an amazing woman, I felt so lucky to have the opportunity to hear her speak. xx

  15. Rosie’s strength and courage to speak out is inspiring. I too have been in a absuive relationship and it is very difficult to leave and not nearly as easy as people think.
    Abuse in relationships is really like mental health the unspoken epidemic. Many people think that abuse is confined to the less educated or less wealthy sections of society. But often it is the more educated and wealthy that have the silent abuse and it can be extremely difficult to speak up. I wrote something a long time ago but have never published because most of my family (inc my parents) don’t know of the abuse and I am not ready to own that part of my story. Funny isn’t it when there are parts of my story that I would on the surface think would be harder to own but the abuse is really difficult. xoxo

    1. I am sorry you went through that. This is the first time I have spoken about my own situation, and it took more than a few wines to put it out there. My family don’t know, or at least we have never spoken about it. Totally understand where you are coming from. xx

  16. Rosie is such a strong, inspiring woman, I imagine it would’ve been quite an experience to hear her speak

    1. Was just amazing!

  17. I agree with your commenters and what you have had to say about Rosie Batty. What a woman. And yet, she is but one of so many. I am fearful for a very close family member and she is aware of the potential for harm. Thankfully she is no longer with this person but he is not far away. I HATE that the world is like this. I have no answers. Thank you for being brave to share your story too. Denyse xx

    1. Thank you Denyse, I do hope your friend continues to be safe and well. xx

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